12 Signs You Are Idolizing Marriage

“I want a husband more than I want God.”

That’s not a statement that you would ever hear me utter out loud but every action was screaming it out.

I know that God should be first place in my heart and as far as I was concerned I was doing that. There was nothing that I wanted more than God and that was my number one wish.

The funny thing is that the actions that screamed that God was not first place in my life were invisible to me. 

I didn’t realize that those were the tell-tale signs that (gulp) there was idolatry in my heart. 

There weren’t any carved images or wooden figures. But I had made romantic relationships become an idol in my heart.

It was so subtle because I thought that everything was okay as long as I wasn’t bowing down to graven images or worshiping my car or phone.

I would have never suspected that something as intangible as a relationship would be my idol.

So How Did I Find Out That I Was Idolizing Marriage?

Well, there was this guy that I had hope would be ‘The One’ but things didn’t work out. When things crumbled, I realized that I started thinking that my chance of happiness and a truly fulfilling life had just vanished. 

That thought then became a strongly held belief. And soon my actions reflected that belief because I had lost that vigor for life and the drive to pursue my goals.

Then one day when I was reflecting on everything and praying, it hit me like a lightning bolt! 

I had made an idol out of relationships and I wanted a husband more than God. 

I believed that there was only one road that leads to happiness and a fulfilled life, and I thought that road was marriage. But relationships are intangible, how could it be an idol? 

Then I remembered the words of Jimmy Needham’s song, Clear the Stage. The more I thought about the words, the more I realized that that’s the definition of idolatry. Here is an excerpt from his song:

Anything I put before my God is an idol
Anything I want with all my heart is an idol
Anything I can’t stop thinking of is an idol
Anything that I give all my love is an idol

Jimmy Needham

If you want to listen to the rest of the song, you can do so by clicking here to listen to it on YouTube. You can also ask God to reveal the idols in your heart.

12 Signs You Are Idolizing Marriage

Whenever we are idolizing marriage, it’s mostly because we think that it will solve a problem or meet our deepest needs for love, purpose, security, identity, approval, validation, etc. 

Here are some signs that you may be idolizing marriage. 

1. You’re willing to disobey or disregard the Word of God just so you can be married. 

This may look like being willing to date someone who is not a Christian. It may also look like engaging in premarital sex in the hopes that the person will marry you.

2. You’re already thinking about the wedding and the children even though you only know the basic details about the person. 

This is a sign that you’re more interested in the idea of marriage than the person because you think marriage is the way to meet your need for security, success, status, etc. 

3. You think all your problems will disappear once you get married.

This may be as a result of thinking that your spouse will complete you or meet your deepest need for love, validation, approval etc. 

4. You feel as if your life has no meaning or purpose if you don’t get married. 

You get your purpose from your Creator not from your marital status.

5. You’re ignoring the red flags because you just want to be married. 

This is a clear sign of desperation. It also means that you’re more caught up with the idea of being married than being in a committed partnership where there is love and respect. Remember that you cannot change anyone who doesn’t want to change.

6. You believe that the only way to have a happy and fulfilling life is to get married. 

If you believe this, then you need to meditate on what Jesus says in John 10:10 (NIV): 

“I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”

7. You experience anxiety or panic attacks whenever you think you will never get married. 

This is a sign that you’re putting too much value on marriage. It is highly likely that you will be more likely to be dissatisfied with your marriage because you have expectations that may be too much for one person to meet.

8. You neglect spending time with God so you can spend more time with a potential spouse. 

If you’re putting your partner before God then that’s a clear sign of idolatry.

9. You can’t stop thinking about your partner or the idea of getting married. 

Whatever consumes our thought life is an indicator of what’s most important to us.

10. You become more dependent on a potential spouse than on God. 

Do you run to your partner first when you need help or do you run to God? Are you asking your partner to solve problems that only God can truly solve?

11. You think the ultimate goal in life is to get married and have children. 

Your relationship with God should be the most important thing in your life. And that is where your identity and purpose should come from.

12. The majority of your free time is dedicated to your partner, trying to find a partner or daydreaming about getting married.

The way we spend our time is a key indicator of what is most important to you. If you’re spending most of your free time on activities and thoughts related to marriage, it’s highly likely that you are idolizing marriage.

Remember your time is the most valuable non-renewable asset. You will never get back the time you have wasted.

Recommended Article: What to Do When Your Life Feels Meaningless?

What I Did After Realizing That I Idolized Marriage?

When I realized that I had made relationships an idol, I confessed it to the Lord. I asked Him to remove this idol from my life.  

I had to do some soul searching to discover why I thought relationships were the gateway to happiness and fulfillment. 

What I Realized About Idolizing Marriage?

I soon realized that I thought that marriage was the gateway to happiness because it was something that I had learned subtly from the media and society. So I would need to dig up all these beliefs and counter them with the Word of God.

The movies, novels, and even friends and family can lead us to believe that marriage is the ultimate goal and the only source of fulfillment.

Fairy tales like Cinderella teach us that a man can rescue us from our miseries and that he is the gateway to a happier life. Remember that these fairy tales end with “They lived happily ever after”.

These thoughts and teachings are deeply embedded in our minds, especially as women and girls. The teachings are casually shared but they grow into beliefs that are hidden in our minds that influence our desires and actions.

Whatever we believe, we work towards and act upon. I knew I would have wrecked myself with that mindset.

If I believed that a husband was the only gateway to happiness and fulfillment then I would be willing to compromise my values and standards. I would also be more likely to settle.

The truth is until we seek God for true joy and fulfillment, then we will never be satisfied. This statement can often sound like a cliché but eventually, we realize that everything else provides temporary fulfillment.

What Should You Do If You’re Idolizing Marriage?

If you’re idolizing marriage, here are a few things you can do. 

1. Confess it to the Lord

The first thing is to confess to the Lord that you are idolizing marriage. You cannot truly address a problem until you can admit that you have that problem. 

When we have an idol, we are looking to that thing or person to meet needs that only God can meet. You have to realize that marriage will never fulfill you the way that God can. 

When you idolize marriage, you’re turning away from God who is the source of living water and turning to a broken cistern or tank that cannot hold water. All the water in a broken cistern or tank will eventually leak out.

Every idol is a broken cistern! If you look to marriage to quench your thirst for love, approval, validation etc., you’ll be eventually disappointed. 

Let’s look at what the Lord says in Jeremiah 2:13 (NIV):

“My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me
   the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns,
broken cisterns that cannot hold water.

God is our spring of living water that will never run dry! It may sound cliche but life experiences will show you that God is the only source of true fulfillment. 

People change but God remains constant and faithful. 

2. Ask the Lord for help 

Once you have acknowledged that you are idolizing marriage or romantic relationships, you can take the steps to address the issue. The next step is to ask the Lord for help to overcome idolatry. 

Ask Him for insight so you can truly understand where the deep desire for marriage or romantic relationships stems from.

Recommended Video: How To Have Quiet Time With God (Step by Step)

3. Spend quiet time with God 

Once you have asked the Lord for insight, spend some time sitting in silence. Pay attention to the thoughts that come to mind. 

You can also ask yourself the following questions: 

• Why do I want marriage so badly?
• How do I think my life will change once I get married? 

You can then journal the answers and talk to the Lord about what is being revealed to you. 

Recommended Article: 7 Quiet Time With God Ideas

5. Ask the Lord to heal you and renew your mind

Now that you know why you desire marriage so badly, it’s time to ask the Lord to heal you and renew your mind. 

It’s highly likely that you strongly desire marriage or a romantic relationship because you think it will fill a void in your life. The void you’re trying to fill may be the need for: 

• Love 
• Purpose
• Validation 
• Approval 
• Identity 
• Security 
• Success

You have to look to the Lord to fill the voids in your life. And you do that by meditating on what the Word of God says. 

If you don’t know what the Bible says, you can do a Google search to find Bible verses about God’s love, purpose, identity, success, etc. 

Then meditate on those Bible verses until you start to change the way you think. 

Recommended Article: 15 Powerful Biblical Affirmations for Christian Women

6. Give yourself a reality check 

If you are idolizing marriage, then more than likely you are only thinking about the good parts. So now is the time to remind yourself that every marriage has challenges, even Godly marriages.

Do you know any friend, relative or church member who is married? Now is a good time to ask them to share the challenges that they face in their marriage.

Ask them what they miss about their single life. Then choose to focus on the benefits you have like your freedom. 

7. Focus on serving others

If you are idolizing marriage then now is a good time to stop focusing on your life so much and start focusing on helping others. You can do this by volunteering at: 

• Church
• Children’s homes 
• Schools 
• Nursing homes 

You can also help others by starting a hobby or business that is focused on meeting the needs of others. This could look like:

• Tutoring
• Blogging
• Coaching
• Event planning 
• Offering hair-care
• Making cosmetics

This will help to keep your mind occupied and give you a sense of purpose outside of your marital status. 

8. Speak with a Therapist 

If you’re idolizing marriage to the point where you experience anxiety or depression, then there may be deeper issues that need to be resolved.

These may be issues that are a result of trauma, negative childhood experiences or deep seated core beliefs. So take some time to speak with a counselor or therapist. 

Recommended Article: 7 Natural Ways to Reduce Anxiety and Stress

What Does The Bible Say About Idolatry?

So what is idolatry? Well, idolatry is essentially the worship of something or someone instead of God. It’s an extreme or excessive admiration, devotion or love for something or someone.

Throughout the Bible, there are repeated warnings to flee idolatry. Here are some Bible verses that speak about idolatry. 

Therefore, my dear friends, flee from idolatry. (1 Corinthians 10:14 NIV)

Dear children, keep yourselves from idols. (1 John 5:21 NIV)

The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. (Galatians 5: 19-21)

Let’s Talk About The Idol Of Romantic Relationships

As human beings, we really want joy, love, and peace and we often search for them in all the wrong places. But you can only find them in God. 

• God is love (1 John 4:8).
• God gives peace that passes all understanding that can guard our hearts and minds (Philippians 4:6-7)
• In the presence of God, there is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11).

Love, joy, and peace are the deep longings of every soul and we will always crave them whether we admit it or not.

They are qualities that help us to live happy and fulfilling lives. A person who possesses them tends to be more emotionally stable and can be of much more benefit to another.

So What’s The Problem? 

The problem is that many people enter relationships with these deep voids that they expect to be filled by the other party. But they end up getting disappointed and frustrated when their expectations are not met. 

Unfortunately, this often leads to conflicts and sometimes breakups or divorce. 

These voids and desire for love, peace and joy can only be filled by God. And until we take the time to allow Him to fill us with His satisfying and everlasting love, peace and joy then we will always be dissatisfied and frustrated.

Persons who are filled can give to their partners. But those who have voids are depending on their partners to fill them.

The reality is that two void persons will always be seeking more from the other and the focus of the relationship will be “what can I get from this?”

The interesting thing is that neither has anything to give and this normally results  in unmet expectations and conflicts. 

However, two filled persons will place fewer demands on each other. And that’s because most of their demands have already been met so they can build a healthier and stronger relationship that will be mutually beneficial.

So take some time to make sure you’re emotionally healthy and focus on making a valuable contribution to society as you fulfill your purpose on this earth. 

If you are ready to know 3 MYTHS that can keep you stuck and STOP you from walking in your God-given purpose, then make sure to download my FREE Micro-Ebook called Purpose Myths.

Takeaway

Have you been idolizing marriage? If you said yes, then take some time to do some soul searching.

You need to pinpoint why you desire to be married so badly. Then ask God to help you to overcome the idol of marriage. 

You won’t find happiness and fulfillment until you connect with your Creator. He is the only permanent source of fulfillment. Your spouse may die or divorce you but God will never leave or forsake you. 

Your life is more than your marital status. You have skills, gifts and talents that you can use to make a valuable contribution to society and fulfill your purpose. Don’t waste your life!